Evil Vegetarian Elves

            Of late, I’ve been reading the Inheritance Cycle (by Christopher Paolini) to Colleen. As a result, you now get to hear about one of my biggest pet peeves in fantasy: vegetarian elves.

            To start off with, I should probably say that this is in no way an attack on vegetarianism or veganism – it is merely my opinion relating to an aspect of world building.

            Now, I completely understand the concept of elves being vegetarian – from a certain perspective, it makes complete sense. Elves revere nature and life, so wouldn’t they be opposed to killing animals?

            However, I can very easily refute that argument by saying: take a close look at nature. In nature, it is kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. Yes, some animals eat only plants, but that’s because they lack the ability to eat meat. Elves are one with nature and, as such, would partake in the natural cycle of life. To abstain from eating meat would be to elevate themselves above nature.

            That said, it is also important to go back to the roots of modern fantasy. Tolkien. This is where we start, because prior to Tolkien, elves were all short sprites like the ones who help Santa. Tolkien reinvented the race into what is used in most stories.

            So, were Tolkien’s elves vegetarians? No. Thanks to the movies, this isn’t common knowledge because the idea that elves are vegetarians is so widespread that it managed to get into Peter Jackson’s interpretation. However, in The Hobbit, when Bilbo and the dwarves are in Mirkwood, they find themselves on the outskirts of a hunt – involving elves hunting a white elk. Later they come upon the elves feasting and, yes, meat is mentioned.

            This is the point where we reach why this becomes a pet peeve of mine. It can easily be argued that each writer is at complete liberty to make their world whatever they want it to be, which is entirely true. So what’s wrong with vegetarian elves? Internal consistency.

            When aspects of a world are created, even a fantasy world, they have to make sense. For that, let’s look at the common traits elves always have. Pointed ears. Graceful bodies. Keen eyesight and hearing. Exceptional archery skills.

            This last one is the problem. Exceptional archery skills. Why are elves exceptional archers? They are generally a peaceful race, so they would have no need of weapons unless threatened – at which point, they’d have to learn pretty fast to be that good at archery. There are easier weapons to use. No, they aren’t exceptional archers for the purposes of war – it is because they are hunters. And as they are so attuned to nature, they would not hunt for sport – only for food. Thus, for elves to have archery skills (and tracking skills, for that matter), they must eat meat.

            All of that said, it is possible for elves to be vegetarian – the world building just has to match. And, while it was his books that inspired this post, Paolini actually did a good job on the world building end of making his elves vegetarians – they have a reason for their choice and instead of exceptional archery, they’re simply very good at all forms of fighting due to their age, magic, and super-strength (making them more like Vulcans than traditional elves).

            So, in conclusion, elves can eat whatever they want – but the world and their abilities had better support their food choice.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

Also, make sure you check out my wife's blog and her life coaching website.


If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

The Hobbit Book Review (Sort of)

            I guess this isn't really a review because, let’s face it, The Hobbit really doesn't need any reviews. If I even have to tell you it was written by J.R.R. Tolkien, chances are you’re reading the wrong blog. So, I guess this is more like my thoughts on the book rather than an actual review.

            Naturally this isn't the first time I've read this book and it most certainly won’t be the last. I think I was in the area of five years old when my dad read The Hobbit to me and my brother. I loved it, in spite of the recurring nightmare it gave me (Smaug chasing me and my family – actually, when the dragon attacked in the movie, it was almost identical to my dreams. Well done, Peter Jackson). It is, to this day, one of the greatest stories I've ever read.

            It isn't just the story itself that has made this book so great, but the writing. Tolkien’s style in this book has personality. It’s more than just words on a page, its storytelling. The book reads as if Tolkien is sitting there in front of you, a fire crackling in the fireplace while he tells you this beautiful tale.

            As I read the book this time, marvelling at how wonderful and enjoyable it was, I came to notice something that I find to be very sad.

            No one would publish The Hobbit in this day and age.

            It all comes down to the writing and what is expected of us as authors. If you look up writing tips, Tolkien goes against a great many of the ones you’ll find.

            We’re supposed to use “said” all the time. No more dwarves grumbling what they say or Bilbo squeaking when he’s frightened. Apparently readers’ eyes just skip over the “said”s and similar. Personally, I read every word in a book and there’s nothing quite as bland as seeing nothing but “said”.

            Exclamation marks! We’re not supposed to use too many exclamation marks. They lose their effectiveness if they’re used too frequently, it’s true, but the amount they’re supposed to be cut out is unbelievable. Used properly, exclamation marks change the entire tone of a sentence, the feel of the book. You wouldn't believe how many of them Tolkien uses! I agree with moderation, but these days they’re becoming extinct.

            Adjectives. Descriptive words. We’re supposed to avoid them. Some people take this too literally and say to never use them. Instead of a nice word that gives clear and definitive meaning to something, we’re supposed to use excessive space to describe the specific characteristics of those words. To me, that’s a waste of time for both the writer and reader if every time someone waves excitedly their hand waves back and forth in blur with a grin on their face. Tolkien uses adjectives all the time and very effectively. Again, it’s a case of using it in moderation, but elimination clutters the writing.

            So, on the off chance that someone decided to publish The Hobbit, they would first run it through editors to eliminate all these “problems”. I can’t say that I’d want to read the book once it came out the other end of that process. They’d take out the split infinitives.

            If you haven’t read The Hobbit before, you should. There’s never been a book like it before and there never will be one again until people stop clinging to guidelines as rules. Writing is an art and art is an expression of yourself. If you allow rules to remove your personality from your writing, can you still call it art?

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Always Something New

            I love those moments in life when you’re reading a book or watching a movie for somewhere between the second and millionth time and you suddenly notice or realize something for the first time. Sometimes it’s just simple little things that you aren't meant to catch at first, like that brief look or comment a secret villain makes that seems harmless unless you actually know the truth about them. Other times, it’s a huge revelation about the secret meaning behind the story.

            An example of the first one was something Colleen pointed out to me while we were watching The Incredibles – for the first time, we noticed that when they entered the secret laboratory of Edna (the superhero seamstress), she actually had large bolts of fabric stored in there. It’s a small detail that usually just slips by, but when you notice it, you realise just how attentive to detail animators are (set dressers, too, for live movies).

            I recently started reading The Hobbit (again), but I'm seeing it with new eyes thanks to all the special features I've seen from the movie. What stood out to me this time was a single line – a comment about the battle of the mines of Moria. I've never noticed it there before, but because it plays a larger role in the movies, I caught it this time. This isn't just a testament to the attention to detail that Peter Jackson has, but also to Tolkien’s world building skills. Nothing says the world of a book is real like a casual reference to historical events.

            The one that got me thinking about all this was while I was watching The Croods (yes, I know I watch a lot of movies, but I make chainmaille for a living and it helps to have some entertainment). It’s a fun animated movie, with some good messages in it and that’s just what I was thinking when the “wow” moment hit me. The biggest underlying meaning in the movie is overcoming fear to live a better life.

Then I took a closer look and my jaw dropped as I saw, twisted into the story, a huge political and social commentary on the effects of fear, including how it is used to control people. A fearful person used their fear to instil fear in others to get them to do what they wanted, justifying it to themselves by saying it was for their protection. The fear closed minds and prevented progress. It wasn't until the fear was released that minds were opened and life became better.

            If you take that story and paint it over various people and/or world events (I'm sure I don’t have to give any examples), certain things suddenly start to make sense (or, at least, as much sense as they can). I don’t know if the movie makers intended for their movie to be applied to a global scale, but I don’t really care because it can be. Be it for a person, country or planet, overcoming fear opens minds and improves life.

            That’s the best part about these revelations – they don’t even have to be intended by the creators. They are there and they bring a new life to entertainment, which is why the best books, movies and video games are worth second, third and fourth times through. Even if it’s in your mind, there’s always something new to find.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

References and Originality

            One thing you should always remember about authors is that we are playful people and words are our favourite toys. We love to be sneaky and hide little secrets and references in our books, not to mention leaving a few puns lying around. My favourite  though, are the references. Most of these you won’t even notice unless you’re familiar with what they are about, but when you see them, they give you a good chuckle.

            The master of these references, of course, is Terry Pratchett. I firmly believe that no one can measure up to his satirical fantasy. I don’t think you can read a page without stumbling across some sort of obscure reference – the more I read, the more of them I catch and the more I marvel at his brilliance.

            In the three and a half books I've written, I've snuck in everything from Monty Python and Princess Bride quotes to references from Tolkien, Pratchett, Shakespeare and Dr Who (which I've only been watching for about a week) to internet memes. The more I write, the more ways I discover to sneakily hide references.

            I started thinking about these references (obviously, or else I wouldn't be talking about them) after coming across a reference to the lyrics of a Bon Jovi song in the book I'm currently reading (Vortex). I started to wonder why we hide these little tidbits in our books. I mean, obviously it’s fun, and it makes us feel special when someone likes our books enough to go digging through in search of everything we hid inside, but those couldn't be the only reasons.

            Then I realised that it’s our way of giving credit. In this day and age, there is virtually no originality. Not because we artists aren't as imaginative as we used to be, but simply because there is so much that has come before us. When I first read Eragon (a book written by someone close to my own age) I knew right away, without a doubt, that Christpher Paolini was a fan of Anne McCaffrey and Ursula K Le Guin. Whether it is intentional or not, authors will always have traces of whatever inspired them in their work. So, by sneaking our little references in, we are tipping our hats to those who inspired us and making ourselves feel better about using the turn of phrase that, strictly speaking, we didn't come up with.

            Since I mentioned the lack of originality in the world, I think I should elaborate on what I mean by that, as well as making it clear that it’s not a bad thing. We humans love to measure things and, while many would argue that art can’t be measured, we have managed to analyse books and say with certainty that there are only somewhere between 1 and 36 plotlines that exist in the world (the number depends on the system you are using to define the plots). If you look at the thousands of books, movies, video games and anything else requiring a plot that’s out there (like life), it’s obvious that these get used over and over again. How do we not notice?

            Well, the reason we don’t notice is because we (well, most of us) aren't watching for it. The art of telling a story isn't in creating a plot that no one has considered before; it’s in telling the story in a way that entertains people. It’s nice if this is a new way, and even better if you can keep people guessing, but the true purpose is to entertain. So, it doesn't matter that every story has already been told, because it can always be told in a different way!

            What about those people who analyse everything and complain about the lack of originality? That’s their own problem. If they want to decide that every story where the villain is the protagonist’s father is a Star Wars rip off, anything with a portal to another world is Narnia and anything with any type of institution that teaches magic is Harry Potter, then they are welcome to be disappointed about the lack of originality. They should, however, take a moment to read the history books to see how often events of reality repeat. They should also look to see if anyone else has commented on the lack of originality, lest their complaint is not their original thought.

            To finish off, I shall impersonate the Doctor and say, live long and prosper with the force. Alas, poor Yorik, he got caught playing riddles in the dark and was slain by Sephiroth before he could collect all the Deathly Hallows! Now, where did I leave my holy hand grenade...? Like a boss!

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.