Laughing at the Pain

            It has occurred to me that in our culture there is a distinct link between humor and bullying. Or, rather, a lot of out humor comes from one form of bullying or another – and it just might be that this leads to bullying for the sake of humor.

            Let’s start with the most obvious one: slapstick. This is a type of humor based entirely around pain being caused to other people in humorous ways – such as accidentally getting struck from behind by someone carrying a long plank and getting pushed headfirst into a bucket of whitewash. Although a more modern version would be the videos of people accidentally hurting themselves that make up a large portion of the viral photos on the internet. We watch these things, and we laugh, believing it is harmless – either it was staged, and no one was really hurt, or it was some hurt to someone in the past and it wouldn’t have been posted on the internet if it wasn’t okay to laugh at them.

            Is it so harmless, though? We are witnessing pain, and laughing. More than that, we go on to share it with others – family, friends, children – and encourage them to laugh as well. It seems to me that this could very well desensitize people to the pain of others, and even encourage violence – because it’s funny. Especially when it happens to someone we think deserves it.

            Teasing is another one – it’s very common for people to playfully tease those they are close with. Again, it’s often harmless – or at least meant to be. But sometimes it goes too far. Sometimes the person being teased doesn’t even mention they’ve been hurt, so no one knows that it’s gone too far. Other times, the person says something and proceeds to get teased for having been hurt. We cause pain or embarrassment, then we laugh. It might not be so bad if we kept it to ourselves, but we then pass it on to the most impressionable people around us, who carry it on and spread it. Causing pain in certain ways then becomes synonymous with amusement, and leads to bullying.

            We can see more examples in the comedies we watch. We have shows that normalize making fun of certain cultures. How often do you see nerds being made fun of for being weird? How often do you see jocks being made fun of for being stupid? How often do you see mental illnesses being used for comic relief? And we take all of that back out into the world and spread it around – because it’s funny, and if it’s funny, it can’t really be bullying, can it? Meanwhile mental illness is stigmatized and people find themselves ostracised because of their interests.

            I think we all need to take a very good look at the things we find funny and consider, why are we laughing? More than that, we need to consider the harm that might be caused by passing this specific sense of humor on to younger generations – keeping in mind that they won’t necessarily understand the subtleties of the joke.

            Above all, we need to ask, is this humor, or is it bullying?

Check out my YouTube channel where I tell the stories of my D&D campaigns.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

Also, make sure you check out my wife's blog and her website.


If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Just Be Nice

            There’s been a whole lot of negativity flying around the world lately. Not that it’s a surprise. There are a lot of people angry about a lot of things right now – and many of them have good reason. Unfortunately, this is leading a lot of people to be uncivil.

            The trouble is that when everyone believes they are right (and who wouldn’t? Why would anyone bother holding an opinion they believe is wrong?), ideas that go against theirs tend to result in raised hackles. People get upset, and when people are upset they tend to stop listening. They will argue their point until all they can do to sway their similarly upset opponent is to insult them and claim they know nothing (I’m sure we can all think of a very prominent public figure who demonstrates this perfectly).

            Once a conflict devolves into this, there’s really no hope of resolution. The argument becomes a back-and-forth about nothing in particular and all it manages to achieve is to widen the divide.

            The gap is too big already.

            So, right now, more than ever, it is important to not spout negativity at others – no matter how right you are. Feel free to try to persuade people of your views, but keep it civil. If emotions are getting high, turn around and walk away.

            Because, no matter how right you are, if you make the choice to hurt someone, you are in the wrong. What’s more, every time you hurt someone, it becomes a weapon for the people opposing you in the future. It reflects poorly not only on you, but on everyone who shares in your beliefs. You may even inadvertently become a bully, without even noticing that’s what you’ve become.

            There are a lot of problems in the world right now. More than enough. Don’t become another one. Just be nice to people. You can still stand up for your beliefs without becoming belligerent, and you’ll be far more effective that way.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

Also, make sure you check out my wife's blog and her life coaching website.


If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Internet Anonymity

            Recently, Canada instated a new law to help prevent internet piracy. This law allows copyright holders to request internet companies to issue warnings to people who have illegally downloaded content. For example, if you were to download a song from your favourite band, the band could have your internet service provider inform you that continuing to download more of their songs could lead to a law suit. Your identity and personal information would remain confidential, but could be made available if legal action is taken (a nice balance between respecting privacy and enforcing copyright laws).

            This got me thinking, as you may have guessed, about the anonymity of people on the internet. In and of itself, the internet has become almost a whole world of its own. People on the internet can be whoever they claim to be and do what they like with few (or no) consequences. This anonymity has many benefits, particularly relating to privacy, but it also has the negative flip side – bullying, scams, viruses, piracy and various illegal activities.

            So, I'm wondering... what would happen if the anonymity of the internet was taken away?

            I'm not saying that I think this should happen, or even that it could – it would require the agreement of the entire world and we all know how likely that is to happen – I'm merely wanting to explore it as a theoretical exercise.

            If every time someone logged into the internet, wherever they went, their real names and faces would be registered. If, every time they interacted with people online, it was with their real names and faces. Would people behave differently?

            Personally, I think they would. The risk of going to illegal download sites or other sites they don’t want people to know they've been on would be greater – and if that is enough incentive to stop them from going, maybe they shouldn't be going there in the first place. People who bully online would no longer be hiding behind false personas. The risk of being banned from a site or online game would be greater if they were getting banned, rather than just the account that they could make a new one of.

Simply by removing anonymity, the internet could become a much friendlier place.

            Of course, there’s always a flip side. The first thing that comes to mind are predators, although they could be tracked by their true identity online as easily as their prey. So, the real problem would become the new generation of hackers specialising in using other peoples’ identities online – possibly an increase in the ease of identity theft. Would it be possible to police such activities? In a world where anonymity on the internet was abolished, would our society have evolved to a point where nothing can be gained from identity theft?

            It’s an interesting thought, really, especially with recent generations who've gotten used to their anonymity online. It really isn't as big a step as we think. Internet service providers already track the websites we go to (even though the information is kept confidential) and there is so much information on the internet that even the basic internet security that we teach isn't always enough.

            As a perfect example, I’ll tell you a story of my own youth. I spent much of my early teens playing massively multi-player online role playing games – particularly one called Runescape. My awareness of internet security was impeccable – bordering on the paranoid. I never gave out my name and the closest I’d come to telling someone where I lived was my province or country. I gave out very few personal details, even to the closest of my online friends.

            One my friends on Runscape was a Dutch woman name Paula who was around the same age as my parents and had kids my age. We became so close that we started referring to her as my Dutch Mom. Still, I didn't give her much information on myself, so you can imagine my surprise when I received a birthday card in the mail from her on my 16^th birthday.

            I’m fairly certain I’d only given her the month of my birthday. As to how she found my address... that came from small, unimportant pieces of information I let drop in casual conversation. She knew my country and province, my first name, a famous hockey player who was born in my city, and that my parents owned (at the time) a driving school (of which there were several in town). With that small amount of information, she’d was able to find me – and that was ten years ago when there was far less information available on the internet.

            So, as I said, we’re already not as anonymous as we think. The question is, would the internet become better/safer or worse with the removal of anonymity? What do you think?

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

I Want to Teach the World to Con

            This week’s blog is brought to you from the mind of Colleen.

There is a phenomenon that geek/anime/nerd convention goers sometimes experience known as the post-con blues. It's the feeling of emptiness that proceeds the day or weekend of non-stop fun and freedom that accompanies the events where nerds run wild. It can feel different for every person. I personally wake up every morning for a few days after and feel weird in normal clothing, having worn a costume or “cosplay” for most of the past 72 hours. I forget how to do simple tasks like work and dishes. I miss being surrounded by the people who all seem to know me inside and out without ever having met me before. I miss the all-consuming, no-questions-asked, friendly acceptance that pervades every single con I've ever been to or heard of.

It doesn't matter who or what you are, how you're dressed, what fandom you're in, your sexuality, your race, your religion. None of that matters except one thing: that you treat everyone around you with the same respect you are enjoying. No exceptions to that rule. The thing that everyone who comes into contact with us eventually realizes is we take care of our own. We're like a gigantic family.

I heard a story at a con I attended this past year. The fellow telling the story was recalling a time when he had been standing in line to register at a con. Behind him were a couple guys he described as “con tourists”; regular joes who just wanted to see what all the hype was about. They saw someone in a particularly noticeable cosplay and made some smart remark or other. Everyone in the hall went dead silent and turned to glare at the offender. He’s sure to keep his comments to himself next time.

In some cases, cons are the only place some people have to feel accepted and free. I am lucky enough to live in a group of people who are just as judgement-free as a con typically is, but I know most people do not have that luxury. Some people look forward to con all year and pour all their heart and soul into their cosplays. Cons are extremely important to a lot of people and the organizers know this. One of my favourite cons was started by a group of college friends over five years ago. Now most of them are married, some have moved out of the province, but they have continued to put their con on every year despite all the challenges – partially because they love it, but also because of how important events like theirs is to so many people.

One of my all time favourite things about cons are the instant friendships that are made. You sit next to someone at a panel, you start chatting over an epic piece of merchandise, you are wearing cosplay from the same fandom and BAM, suddenly you're talking to the other person like you've been best friends for life. I have learned so much from these kinds of friendships. I have had fundamental prejudices I didn't even know I held shaken and destroyed from a half-hour's acquaintance.

Con is a magical place where dreams come true, where you can find and be your true self, where you can find love and life-long friends. Con is also a state of mind that I try to carry with me into the “real world”. It's a feeling of wanting to live in harmony with everyone around you, even if it isn't always easy. Someone I met at a panel said it best when he explained the concept of non-judgement to the group. He said “There is no judgement. Internally you may be cringing, but externally you're giving a thumbs-up all around. That's the way it is. Period.” And every day I wake up determined to bring the con sensibility to the world. It won't happen in my lifetime. But maybe, just maybe, if I keep thinking nothing but good about my fellow human beings, maybe my kids will see that. Maybe they'll catch hold of that and tell a friend. Maybe that friend will tell a friend. And slowly, ever so slowly, we will change the world. One geek at a time.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Don't Do Unto Others

            Anyone who has spent a large amount of time on the internet has, at one point or another, run into the trolls. Some are harmless jokers, some are pranksters who sometimes go a little too far and some are just bullies looking for someone to pick on.

            In most cases (the exception being some – not all – of the bullies), these people don’t actually intend malice – in fact, in my experience a lot of them don’t even know they are doing any harm! These are just people finding ways to entertain themselves and, unfortunately, people are hurt as a by-product.

            On occasion, these trolls are confronted about what they are doing. Their response is generally the same: they are exercising their right to free speech. They feel that being asked to stop imposes upon their own freedom.

            In a blog post earlier this year, I touched on the fact that true freedom can’t exist because, as part of a society of free people, having freedom comes with responsibilities. The biggest of which is to respect other people’s freedom.

            I recently came up with an excellent way of illustrating this point. As a general rule, people are legally permitted to defend themselves if they are attacked. In other words, if a person walks up to you and throws a punch, they are essentially giving you permission to hit them back.

            Technically that person is allowed to throw that punch – after all, having freedom means they’re free to do what they like. But it is also your freedom, as well as theirs, to not be punched. By violating your freedom through choosing to punch you, they are at the same time violating their own freedom by inviting you to punch them back.

            Therefore, the way I see it, by exercising their freedom, they are infringing upon their own.

            The same goes for words, spoken or on the internet, or any form of communication for that matter. Any time someone says something hurtful or offensive, they are infringing upon the very freedom they are trying to express.

            There’s a very old phrase used to explain this idea: “Do unto others as you would have done to you.” Very often it is interpreted as, “Do unto others what they done did to you”, better known as, “An eye for an eye.” The problem is that this just leads to a never-ending cycle. Think of kids having a poking war in a car, each one poking the other because they were poked first. Strange to think that adults behave that way – and countries, for that matter.

            So, next time you run across one of those cyber-bullies (perhaps the ones in real life, too), just laugh to yourself in the knowledge that with each nasty thing they say, all they are doing is undermining their own freedom, giving them a paradoxical existence. Then feel free to ignore them and move on because, as a paradox, they can’t possibly exist and are therefore not worth listening to.

            I'm thinking we could also change that “Do unto others” phrase into one more readily understandable. I'm in favour of “Don’t do to someone what you don’t want them to do to you because if everyone respects everyone else you never have to worry about getting hurt.” Okay, so it’s a bit of a mouthful, but it gets right to the point and doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation. Plus, in a few generations we’ll be able to say “Don’t do to someone” and the person doing the doing will instantly stop just so they won’t have to hear the rest of the saying.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.