As I worked
on starting my YouTube channel, I encountered something I never had before.
Camera shyness. It’s something that seems like it would suit me – as I’m
extremely shy and introverted in the first place – but this was more than I
would have expected. It was – literally – paralyzing.
When I set
up to film for the first time, I sat down in front of the camera and... froze.
I knew what I wanted to say, I’d run some tests earlier in the week without
problems, but now that I was filming something I was actually going to show
people, I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even reach out to press the record
button.
Now, I’ve
experienced stage fright before, albeit in a roundabout way. I’ve been
performing from a very young age – I believe I sang my first solo at the age of
five, I became a semi-professional clown somewhere around ten, which later
transitioned into being a magician, and, while I quit those around the age of
twelve, I went on to be in a number of school choirs, bands, plays, and
musicals.
Though all
of that, I never really felt nervous
or afraid. Yet, the nerves were there. I only ever noticed them when I was
singing a solo, and it took me a while to identify it, because I didn’t feel
any different than normal. I merely trembled – such a small amount of a tremble
that I’m fairly certain the audiences never even noticed.
Yet there I
was – sitting in front of an inanimate object, unable to move or speak. I
couldn’t understand why – and I still can’t. After performing in front of a
live audience, what’s so hard about performing in front of a camera? With a
live performance, if something goes wrong, you just keep going as if it never
happened and hope no one notices. On camera, you just say the line over again
and edit out the parts you don’t like. It’s far easier.
So, what
was the problem? Was it that it was a new experience? Was it the permanence of
what I was creating? Was it the absence of audience (it is rather difficult to talk to a device as if it were a person)?
Was I just not ready yet? I doubt I’ll ever know.
Obviously,
I overcame the camera shyness. Not that day, though. I gave up and left it for
a couple days before tying again. This time, I was still nervous, but not so
much that I couldn’t record. And each subsequent week of filming, the feeling
has faded a little more, to a point where it is now nearly nonexistent and I’ve
almost forgotten there was a time when it was impossible for me to film.
Now, here I
am, having just completed my sixth video and reminiscing about that fist shaky
start. The message in this story? Perseverance. If at first you don’t succeed,
try, try again.
Check out my YouTube channel where I tell the stories of my D&D campaigns.
Also, make sure you check out my wife's blog and her website.
If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.
