I recently
had a discussion about honesty which resulted in the conclusion that saying the
first thing that comes into your mind isn’t honest. This flies in the face of
many common ideas, because what is
honesty if saying the first thing to come to your mind isn’t the most honest
thing to say?
I
periodically see a post show up on my social media claiming that a study found
that people who swear more are more likely to be honest. The logical connection
being made is clearly that people who swear are more likely to be spouting
whatever is on their mind, and that’s honest. Isn’t it? Well, let’s take a
closer look at that.
When you
stub your toe on something, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?
Unless you’re a remarkably logical person, most likely the first thing on your
mind in that moment is to be mad at the inanimate object you just stubbed your
toe on, and be very angry at it for being there. If you were to shout out your
anger at the object (as I’m sure you might), scathing it with the fury of the
first thing that came to your mind, are you expressing your real and honest opinion on that object?
Technically,
the answer is yes; in that very specific and precise moment, those horrible
things you shout at that poor innocent inanimate object are precisely what you
are thinking about it. But, that opinion is fleeting and won’t last. It fades
with the pain, leaving you feeling a little silly for shouting abuse at
something that doesn’t even have ears – and which you probably put there in the
first place. Unless you’re a remarkably stubborn person, you’ll most likely even
admit to yourself that an inanimate object can hold no responsibility for the
pain you just experienced. And, just like that, your totally honest response to
stubbing your toes crumbles into meaningless lies that you spewed out in a
moment of emotion. Your actual, honest opinion on that inanimate object and the
part it played in causing you pain is the one that comes after letting the pain
die down and taking the time to think about it.
Now,
naturally, there isn’t that much trouble with shouting at inanimate objects –
unless, of course, it’s fitted with some very sophisticated Artificial
Intelligence – but consider if it had been an impressionable child you’d
tripped on when you fell and hurt yourself. Why you left a child lying on the
floor is beyond me, but that initial, ‘honest’ response of yours could do
everlasting harm.
Let’s take
a look at prejudices. These are ideas that we’ve been trained into believing,
sometimes since childhood (possibly by having them shouted at us after having
been tripped over). We look at someone, and we instantly make certain decisions
about them based on how they look, how they’re dressed, how they move –
anything. As an enlightened person, you are aware of at least some of your
prejudices and know them to be untrue (and, frankly, in some cases, ridiculous.
I mean, seriously, just because it’s a spider, it doesn’t mean it’s out to
murder you). Yet, there’s that trained piece of your brain that throws the
prejudice to the forefront of your thoughts. If you voice that prejudice,
because it’s what’s right on your mind, you won’t be being honest – because your
honest opinion comes after all that hard work you’ve put in to quashing that
horrible prejudice (spiders are people too, you know).
So,
speaking what is on your mind clearly isn’t inherently honest. I would call it
impulsive, and only honest out of happenstance or if the person you’re conversing
with asked about the first thing that came to your mind. Honesty is what you
get after you’ve taken the time to form well-reasoned thoughts.
That, in itself,
is something of a revelation, isn’t it? True honesty doesn’t come from
impulsively speaking what you happen to be thinking; in fact what you say can
become more honest by sifting it
through mental filters before speaking.
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If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.
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