This week I
stepped into the middle of a dispute between friends on Facebook. I don’t like
to harp on a similar topic two weeks in a row, but such are the times. I’ll
tell you what I saw.
It started
with a democrat friend, outraged by recent events, making a blanket statement
about republicans. A republican friend of both of us objected to the statement.
What followed was a back-and-forth (not too heated, but clearly emotional on
both sides) where each stated their opinions on the ideals of those with the
opposing viewpoint.
Normally I
don’t say much on Facebook (or elsewhere – I really am a very quiet person),
but this time I had to step in. Here was a pair of people, friends, arguing, all the while saying absolutely nothing – communicating
no actual information.
I pointed
out to them that this was the exact problem in politics. It isn’t that the
opposing side is unwilling to listen (although that plays a part), it’s that
when people have differing viewpoints no one bothers to look at or explain why they hold that specific opinion.
The sad
truth of the matter is that most people can’t truly understand something
outside their own experience. The most generous people in the world are the
poor – people who know what it is to have little, so they share as much as they
can with those who need help. People who have never had close experiences with
people with mental illnesses (or had one themselves) don’t understand why
mental illness is such a problem – and often think people with mental illnesses
are just weak or lazy. People who haven’t experienced something don’t have the
same frame of reference as those who have – and, as such, they form different opinions.
But no one
bothers to explain; all people do is shout their already formed opinions at
each other. Then they dislike each other and go their separate ways, choosing
to only spend time with those who agree with them. Then there become two large
groups, isolated from each others’ frames of reference. Their own ideals are
amplified by sharing them with people who agree, and the two groups grow
further apart as their disputes grow bigger. The world gets divided into “us”
and “them”.
On the
other hand, if both sides are willing to listen – to question, to explain –
then there is truly some hope. Opinions are formed based on our experiences (or
just taken from a source we trust), making an opinion on its own meaningless.
When two people take the time to figure out why
they have opposing opinions, they have a chance of finding common ground or
swaying each others’ views. Or they might find they still disagree, but at
least they’ll understand why they
disagree. That might not seem important, but it is – it’s the difference
between thing someone is a stupid, mindless sheep, and understanding that they
reasoned out their opinion – even if they did
end up with different results.
When it
comes down to it, there are very few people in the world that genuinely want to
cause harm. Everyone wants what they think is best. Often they value the same
things – they just see things from a perspective so different that it’s hard to
relate. But if the two sides come together to share how they reached their
views, they might very well find some middle ground – and that middle ground
will be all the more solid because of the work it took to find it.
The dispute
between my two friends? Diffused, with both agreeing with the points I made. I
suspect they would have gotten there without me anyway, but I like to think I
helped to get them (and others viewing the thread) thinking about resolutions.
That’s what we need more than anything right now – mended fences and common
ground, because the United States are falling apart and there’s only so much
the rest of the world can do to pick up the pieces.
Also, make sure you check out my wife's blog and her life coaching website.
If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.
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