Respect: Given or Earned?

            I don’t know about the rest of you, but I grew up with this phrase (or variations of it) being said: Respect isn't given, it has to be earned. I believed it, too, for a while. It seemed only logical. How can respect be given to someone who hasn't earned it?

            There is one problem with that method, though. Often the lack of respecting someone prior to them earning respect leads to disrespecting them. The result is that some people are never even given the chance to earn respect.

            This is most common in large businesses. New employees are next to worthless, so it’s very hard for them to get anywhere, let alone move up. The same goes for social circles – the new person entering a group is likely to be looked down on until they earn the respect of others. There’s a good chance that they’ll leave the group before that happens because of the inherent disrespect towards those who have not earned respect yet.

            This is why I came up with my own way of handling respect – by “came up with” I really mean “I was thinking about it one day and realised that this is what I do”. Rather than give respect (which can lead to severe disappointment and other problems) or requiring it to be earned, I loan people my respect.

            How do I do that? Well, it’s really quite simple. When I meet someone new, I treat them with the utmost respect. I take it on faith that they have qualities worth respecting, so I give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to earn their respect without having to fight upstream. It’s far easier on them and I get to skip over suspiciously eyeballing them, wondering if I really want them around or not.

            That may sound a bit like giving respect, more than loaning it, apart from the respect still needing to be earned. You may be wondering how the loan gets paid back, but the answer is quite simple. When you treat someone with respect, they are more likely to respect you. The end result is that we both skip over the judgemental part of meeting someone new and everything gets off to a great start.

            What if someone doesn't earn the respect I loaned them? Well, I should start by telling you it’s exceedingly rare. So far, just about everyone I've ever met has deserved my respect – never underestimate the number of remarkable people who are out there.

            What the few people who don’t earn my respect have done is more easily described as losing my respect. In fact, it takes so much to lose my respect that I don’t think anyone who’s lost it has ever earned it back. That’s the consequence of defaulting on the loan. Do I somehow cash in on the respect I loaned? No. That is made up for by all the good that comes out of all the people who deserved my respect and might not have gotten it if I hadn't given them a chance.

            In the end, there’s no harm (at least to you) that can come from loaning out your respect, rather than demanding it be earned. You get to respect people faster and earn their respect faster in turn. And, since one good turn deserves another, you could always pass on this philosophy and help our society become more respectful and respected.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.